I don't need the cape or the mask. Neither do you.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not ashamed, I love me.
And not in the way you love a dead cat on the side of the road.
But a more deserving, prettier love than that.
There is one thing though.
I wish I could say my innocence hasn't become corrupt.
But it's become what is has for everyone else.
Tainted.
I watched my nephew come in the house with sad eyes the other day.
He told me, under his breath, as if he was ashamed, that the boys next door wouldn't play with him. He asked and he asked, and they ignored him. He asked one last time and they let out a "NO".
You know the worst part, the most heart-ripping, gut-wrenching part?
It's that he told me with a smile.
He opened his hurt eyes and he told me with a faultless smile.
At that moment, I wanted my painless innocence back.
Growing up sucks.
People you love decide to leave you and the ones you looked up to turned out to be liars and thieves.
People who were always there, no longer answer when you knock on the door in a desperate attempt for endearment.
You find out things about people, that you don't want to know, but they flood your ears anyway.
Your heroes diminish with age, because you find heroes don't exist. There's only one conclusion for those so called heroes.
They're a figment of a naïve child's imagination.
But I want to be a hero.
Everyone wants to be a hero.
Its the most twisted logic. 
we want to be something we don't believe in.
I'm not giving up. I won't let the lack of this human race define me. I won't let it define you, or the even ones who let me down.
Just one request.
Be someone's savior.
Open your arms, extend your heart but don't hold your breathe because this moment could pass when you least expect it. You don't know when you'll ever have this chance again.
Be the heroes you saw drown in these crashing waves called adulthood.
Have the faith I hold in the depths of my heart.
The depths that hope for something better than this.
You don't need the cape or the mask.
And neither do I.

-Kami

Take Me Back, Marty.

I remember when I cried over a boy for the first time. I had my window open and the sprinklers were going. Summer's never felt the same. It lost it's innocence after that.

I remember when I had time to read books.

I remember when the worst thing that could happen to me was a mishap on a bike and a scrape on my knee.

I remember the first time I hurt my moms feelings as i grandly intended to. When I think hard I can even hear her crying behind her locked bedroom door. 

I remember my third kiss. hardly.

I remember the first time I swore. And how a rush came over me. I've never done it since.

I remember falling in love at the top of Alpine Cemetery hill. I remember how it was cold but I could hardly tell by the way my heart burned.

I remember when I farted in front of a boy for the first time. The shock on his face is something I will never forget.

I remember the 4th of July when the neighbors came and got mad at us for lighting illegal fireworks. Why can't people just live? Light a few fireworks.

I remember when my brother ran over my bike. My dad bought me a banana split. I didn't think twice about that purple Schwinn again.

I remember when I figured out the truth in Kung Fu Panda. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, that is why it's called the present.

I remember when I walked into Lone Peak. I felt like I belonged, like these next few years were going to be golden and unforgettable. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be, but I can't complain. I met some good people.

There's a lot of things I wish I could forget, but I don't ever want to stop remembering.

How to........

How to love yourself:

1. Believe in yourself. Believe in everything you are. Believe in your surroundings and believe nothing around you is holding you back.
2. Don't compare your greatest weakness to someone's greatest attribute.
3. Love everyone around you. When you love many, you're loved back. You can't hate yourself when everyone around you admires you.
4. Have an open heart. Feel every bright thing that engulfs you. Soak it in and live it. Love it. Inhale and exhale it. Make it your life line.
5. The most important step in loving yourself is loving what you've created of yourself, not what others have created for you.

Don't hold back. Be your own kind of original. Love yourself. I love you.

Another heartbreak

I think the sun was made to say good morning. The wind was made to brush my hair. In think the moon was meant to ask me questions.
"Do you love me?"
"The sky wouldn't be the same without you."
I think I broke the moons heart.
I think I let it down.
I think I couldn't stand the mystery so all I could do was turn it off.

I don't think it was worth it.
I regret not saying I love you. The tides have retreated. The sky isn't as bright. I think the moon's hiding from me. I can only see half of his face.
How have I even scared the moon off?

Blacked out

I think it's what we all need to do.
I'm so selfish.
so are you.
Tell me what I want to hear.
I whisper you sweet lies right back.

6 words to inspire.

Its all about your mind set.

Just a few

 

 

 

I want to be Nicki.

I think it's human nature to want to be someone else.

I want to be someone else. Sometimes, I want to be everybody else.
Only sometimes.

I want to be Nicki Minaj. Not because I like her music. No, not even her clothes. But I like her uniqueness. She's so... Nicki. I like her bright blue hair that makes me want to ditch this joint and dance.

I want to be John Mayer's girlfriend. Quite frankly, I don't think he even has one, but he seems like a heartbreaker. I hear about gut-wrenching heartbreak. I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to experience it.

I want to be a Victoria Secret Model. It's despite the fact they have unreal bodies or long hair that someone would murder for. It's the fact they're desired. By anyone. By everyone.

I want to be house wife. They come in all shapes and sizes. All ages and races. But their cause is all the same. They dedicate their life to something. Something so beyond money, beyond anything on this earth. I ache to know what it's like to know that kind of comittment. The kind you'd give your life for.

I want to be Abraham Lincoln. Honest and true. Ignore the fact he's a man. I still want to be him. I want kids to write about me. Read books about me. You know when you're getting to know someone and they ask, "If you could meet one person, dead or alive, who would it be?" I want people to "choose" to bring me back to life, just to meet me.

I want to be all of them, and occassionally, none of them. Life's just complicated like that.

If I Ever Get Around to Living...

If I ever get around to living,
I'm gonna put my things away
In the drawers and in the closets
There I'll stay
If I ever get around to living,
It's gonna be just like I dreamed
I'm gonna take the love I'm given
And set it free
If I ever get around to living,
I'll take the end of every day
Tie it up to every morning
And sail away
Free, free
Maybe it's all a dream I'm having at seventeen
I don't have tattoos
And very soon, mother will be calling me
Saying, "Come upstairs, you've got some work to do"
When you gonna wise up, boy?
You are hiding in your mind
Working all the time
Trying to make it better than you got it
And you've been spending all your time searching for a sign
That's never gonna look the way you want it
I think you better wise up, boy

I can't figure out it's purpose.

Lips
Ears
Mouths

Why do we have them?
Lips to whisper secrets, could we whisper without them? Perhaps that's their purpose. Their reason for creation.
Ears to hear crude words our mothers would never want us to hear? It only seems fitting.
Mouths to yell when we're angry? I don't think I could express myself in any other way.

We are what we choose to be. What we're given, is solely in our hands. It's our job to decipher their purpose to fulfill. It's my job to use this delicate divine creation in the way it's intended to be used.
I'm sure if I asked my mother how she would use her ears, it would be a lot different than the way I would choose to use mine.
Maybe I would choose to listen to the gossip that engulfs the school hallway. Maybe I would use my ears to listen to the silent insecurities that stream out of my mouth. Maybe I would listen to the song that reminds me of him, even though I don't want it to.

The options are limitless, and some better than others. It's my choice, as much as it is yours.

I'm scared, aren't you?

Life's scary. The past especially.
Making mistakes.
The two make an incredibly horrifying combination. Wouldn't you agree?
That is easily what frightens me the most. PAST MISTAKES. I can't take them back, undo them, retract them, redo them, withdraw them, have a sudden change of heart and take it all back. What's done is done and what's said is said. Permanence is a frightening concept.

There's something out there that you've done or said, and no matter what you do, no matter the extents you've gone to right your wrong, it won't be forgotten. It won't be forgotten by you. It won't be forgotten by who you told. It certainly won't be forgotten by who you wronged. It's permanent. That mistake will be forever etched in your memory. Engraved in your soul, or more importantly your heart.

Emotions flood the word mistake.
Regret,
Remorse,
Guilt,
Emptiness,
Hesitation.

It's only human, I mean, how could it be humanly possible to not feel but a few of these things when you've made a life altering mistake?

Because of the unchangeable, there are few things you can do with past mistakes. The most important moral of a mistake is the lesson that accompanies it. Take it, learn from it and don't ever hesitate to incorporate the lesson learned. Ever. Few things hurt more than making the same mistake twice.

That, my friend, is what scares me.

Avoid the 3 W's.

Ah, the human mind.
Filled with so many raw emotions and thoughts.
The mind can lead to your anticipated success or your complete demise.
How do you avoid complete and utter demise, you say? Well.. Avoid the 3 W's.

Worrying
Wrathful
Weeping

I find that these 3 qualities are what hold the keys to life. Having an unbalanced, or balanced, amount of these can lead you to glory or failure. Take Macbeth for example. He longed for the fame and the riches of being king but when his wrathfulness got a hold of his reality, he resorted to murder. He then was worried about a future king. Which led him to his death, which, I think, would have made anyone cry. Because Macbeth took these three W's to their extremes, he was lead to his demise, but ultimately death.

Like all things in life, the 3 W's can be a good thing. Like worrying about your sick mother in a coma. I respect that. Or when you just found out that your brand new car just got broken into, punch someone, show your wrath! I like that. Or your boyfriend, the love of your life, who just ditched you for your better looking friend. Cry your eyes out. Finding the perfect amount of W's will make yourself, and those around you, all the more happy. Take a word of advice... Worry, be mad and cry. Don't do all of them in one day though.

Journey into my Thoughts

Elegently graced with your presence.
It's all I can think about.
You and your aroma of a fresh shower.
Do you shower everytime before you come see me?
I'll take that as a compliment.
The way your face lights up when I open the door.
I'm not mistaken here, am I?
We're in love, right?
It's the closest thing yet, I'll take it.
You'd think we'd run out of things to do together.
Wrong.
Lets hop in your car and drive somewhere.
Hey, does your heater work?
It's freezing in here.
Alright, I guess a random blanket in your trunk will do.
You should really fix that.
I don't think you could smile any bigger than you are right now.
I can't stop laughing.
My cheeks hurt now, thanks for that.
The pain, it's tolerable, only because it's caused by you.
It's good pain, I know you wouldn't cause me the bad kind.
Thank Heavens.
Turn off the radio, lets put in a CD.
Do you have that I burnt you from a year ago?
It's already in the CD player?
You listen to it because it reminds you of me?
I think my heart just melted a little bit.
You always hold my hand at the perfect time.
I don't think anyone could ever convince me to let go.
It's getting late, we should probably head home for curfew.
One more stop?
I've never driven up here before.
Wow, the view is breath taking.
I promise if you promise.
Can you hold me a little bit tighter?
I think this is it.
I think this is love.

Read this. You're probably taking things for granted too.

I take things for granted.
Yeah, I admit it.
My mom makes killer sloppy joes, I don't think I ever tell her thanks after I've eaten my helping and my 25 year old brothers helping as well.
My dad always makes sure I'm awake for school. I think I yell at him every time he calls my phone to wake me up. Sorry.
My boyfriend brought me medicine to school the other day when I was sick. I may or may not have harrassed him for grabbing tylenol instead of ibeprofen.
The UPS guy brought me a package I've been waiting ages for just recently. I answered the door and asked him why it took so long. Take note it's like -10 degrees outside.
My cat is senile and sheds and the other day it cuddled up on my neck (annoying) and I threw her off and scorned her for leaving a giant thing of fur on my black shirt.
My car's 20 years old, and it wouldn't start when I was late for school. I got out and kicked it and swore to myself. What a piece of junk.
My phone is essentially brand new and the other day it froze up. I threw it at the wall in hopes that my ridiculous anger would un-freeze it.

I'm pretty sure some people don't even have moms. Especially not moms that make them Texas style sloppy joes. They're delicious. I'll tell her thanks, give her a giant hug and slobbery kiss on the cheek.
I guess some people aren't priveledged enough to have school, let alone a personal alarm clock to wake them up for it. I won't yell next time, I promise.
Single people, I'm sorry you don't have a boyfriend. And you definitely don't have one that will bring you medicine. Sorry baby, I'll make sure not to complain.
UPS guy. There are no words to explain my regret of not voicing my gratitude of your traveling in horrific weather. Next time around, I'll make sure to bring you hot chocolate to the door instead of my attitude.
Kitty... It's almost gross how much you shed. I know you can't help it. I'll snuggle you if you ever come near me again.
Oh my beloved Tahoe. You've seen many places and you're exhausted, I get that. Maybe I won't take you off roading. Perhaps that would fix your problems, thus fixing my own.
Technology is unreliable. Internet is slow. And the human being is naturally impatient. I'll throw you on my bed when the time comes, not the wall.

Shhh la la la Love

The trasendent power of love. Even in the greek times, they knew love was inspiring. They had muses dedicated specifically to love. That was over 2000 years ago. Love has always been around, its a human instinct to love. One of the human's strongest compelling emotions, that's why when you've loved and lost... You've really lost.

Few things in life are as inspiring as love. Even in all of it's forms.

Broken love
True love
Funny love
Obsessed love
Lustful love
Absent love
Fake love
Mistaken love
Happy love
Abused love
Desired love

As heart-wrenching as some of those are, everyone would have just like to experience it, at least just once. That's the real truth!

Typical

I feel a little weird admitting, that on the inside, I'm just like the stereotypical teenage girl. I won't deny it anymore. I keep telling myself: "I hardly ever feel insecure!" Thats a lie. I lied. I wake up sometimes and wonder what the heck I'm going to do to get myself looking like I belong on this planet again. I compare myself to every blonde girl that passes, constantly. "I don't care, I'm content." I tell myself. I lied again. Don't worry, this is the only time I'll admit I'm not confident.

Trust me,
I'm confident.

Tick Tock on the Clock

Lifffffffe. What?

Days, weeks, months, years... Decades. Centuries.
That's what life is. Life is time, its measured in time. Time I spent laughing, time I spent crying. The time that I spent lying to my parents and sneaking out in the middle of the night. Time I spent on facebook or twitter. Time I spent getting ready. The time that I spent sleeping in an hour too late. That's what my life is, that's what defines my life. It's what I do with my time. No one cares, unless my time affects them, right?

Being alive, I'm going to spend my TIME doing what I want. It will be the only thing I do to keep myself sane when my time gets dictated by someone else, or something else. If my life will be judged on time, then by all means, I'll use my time wisely. I'm not scared of dying, as long as I spent my life (time) doing what I wanted.

You're a copy too

We live in a world engulfed with copies. Individuality is gold these days. You have to sift through all the dirt and junk to find that real, shining speckle of genuine gold. It's verging on pathetic. I remember the days, when we were young and hopeful, full of dreams and smiles, when your first impression wasn't a harsh judgement, but and innocent thought of: "Hey, we could be friends."

What happened?

I feel like the main goal the teenage human being has, is to be accepted. What does that even mean? We go to extremes to fit in, aren't we supposed to stand out? I don't get it. I don't understand what our reality has become. High school is just a blurred concept we all got caught up in for no valid reason. I live in a world of copies. Sometimes I wonder, have I lost who I am in process called maturing? Have I changed for the better? What if I've become a copy myself? Ask yourself, have you? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't one. Odds are, you'd probably be lying too. Whoop, there it is.